28

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE SEPTEMBER 27, 1996

BULLETIN

At a time when we've suffered so much loss, our community suffers further from pricing practices of the funeral industry. AIDS is an expensive illness and there has been little that we can do to maintain financial control. That's why two members of our community, Jim St. George and Robert Naylor, started Consumer Casket USA to make it possible for you to cut funeral expenses by as much as 50%.

Consumer Casket USA offers all funeral items at huge savings.

For your edification, funeral homes MUST accept burial products purchased elsewhere. And THEY CANNOT RAISE PRICES for other services rendered. It is a Federal Trade Commission ruling and therefore against the law.

For your convenience, Consumer Casket USA will ship any funeral item anywhere in the U.S.A. including next day delivery.

Call TOLL-FREE, 1-888-PRIDE-88 for more information or for a copy of their brochure. Or further details, visit their website at www.consumercasket.com

ConsumerCasket USATM

Out Laughing

with Lynn Lavner

Satur

Ford Chap

tober 12

College

ndi, Meadville, PA

members of the Tape Community

5 at the Door for Everyone else

Sponsored by the Committee an Support of Gay, Lesbian & Binne i People at Allegher y College

BIG TIPS

How do I remove a soapy film from my workplace?

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

I've been thinking a lot about children lately. It's not a biological clock thing. I don't think I ever bothered to set mine; it just flashes "12:00... 12:00... 12:00" at me from across the room. I'm just firmly convinced that you don't have to actually squeeze out a pup for them to have an important place in your life.

So, after many years of being a blissfully happy solitary dweller, I've spent the past two years living with a friend of mine and her young son. It was the cultural Catholic in me: If you're happy with the status quo, then you're doing something wrong. You need to set up more social and emotional highway cones to learn to maneuver around smoothly. Well, I've gotten really good at nipping neatly around them, and knock very few over any more, and circumstances have changed, and I have to move.

Meanwhile, however, I'm on the other side of the country caring for a friend who is ill, and hanging with my little nephews. I only get to see them once a year, so I send them postcards all the time to keep some sort of picture of me fresh in their wee and distant pre-school heads. When I got to their home, I realized that I am very real to them, and I don't have to be there every day for me to be with them every day.

I hope I can maintain that with my roommate's son Paul after I move. It won't be the same, though. Nothing can match the intimacy of watching someone throw up right back into their cereal bowl.

Dear Big Tipper,

I work at an up-and-coming software company, and I have hopes of moving up the ranks there. As you can imagine, I'm very careful as to how I deal with my supervisors, and other people who work there who may be important to me on my way up. I'm good at what I do, and sometimes I feel like that's not recognized.

A few days ago, a man from one of our client companies approached me and said he thought I was a real asset to the company, and that they were lucky to have me. He also said I had several qualities that they looked for where he worked. I was flattered, but didn't think it was going to go anywhere.

The next day he called up and said he'd like to talk to me, outside of my workplace. We set up a time for him to come to my home the next evening. I was pretty pumped, since I was expecting that he'd offer me a job. When he came over, he gave me a pitch for selling Amway. Not only am I really disappointed, but he's called me the last two nights, and won't take no for an answer.

I have to be really careful about how I treat him because he's a friend of my boss's, and I don't want to burn future bridges, or let my boss know I was talking to him outside the workplace, but I really don't want to sell Amway. How can I get this guy off my back, safely?

Dear Scamway,

Amway or the Highway

Boy, this guy sounds like the king of professional boundaries. But then, that's a real hallmark of pyramid sales setups. They're

making money for every person they recruit and they're trained not to take no for an answer. I like to think, though, that as a gay man, you've already been brave and put your foot down about bigger things, and I know you can continue to put him off graciously, if that's what you really want.

However, you're protecting a business relationship with someone who is manipulating and torturing you. This is someone you want to cultivate? You keep your eyes peeled for a new job with some folks who appreciate you for who you are, okay? Good luck. Dear Big Tipper,

I'm a bisexual woman who is currently involved with a man. I have recently undergone major surgery. For months I have been unable to even get aroused comfortably. It means so much for me to have sexual contact with my partner, i.e., oral or manual sex, but he is uncomfortable and I think feels guilty about having "all the pleasure." How can I convince him that this will also give me great pleasure? I think his fear of my pain overcomes his libido, but as a result, I feel like a sexless blob. Any suggestions?

Dear Grab the "Opportunity,"

Left Alone

You know, in all the time I've been reading smut, it's only been recently in the Flesh and the Word anthologies of gay porn that I've seen erotica that deals systematically and incidentally with chronic pain and illness in sex. The women's movement gave fags the model for setting up a health care movement around AIDS, but the brothers may be the ones who crop our fannies and make it clear that the booty show must go on. And that sex changes as our bodies and our health changes.

I guess there are two parts to dealing with changes in our sexual capacities. One is physical. If the brain is really the biggest sex organ, work it. Do more fantasy play, talk dirty, read porn to each other. If someone's back is weak, or their physical strength is compromised, get lots of wedgie pillows and bolsters for the sex surface of choice so that the person doesn't have to support their body in difficult positions, or to immobilize their body. Sometimes folks with breathing problems or sever allergies have times of the day that are "healthier." Maybe you could do it at lunchtime instead of bedtime.

It's easy to say those things, though, and come up with a chipper suggestions for each difficulty, but what we do and enjoy sexually is a big part of our identity, and when that changes against our will, it can be frustrating and depressing.

When a steady partner is there over the course of that change, you can probably factor in some level of guilt and fear on their part and yours. Are they still getting their needs met? What if I'm not able to provide or feel pleasure the way I used to? What will they do if I don't? So the bigger part of the solution is mental.

A lot of folks grow up thinking that oral sex or a hand job is the price you pay to get what you really want later. I'm not talkin' down a good poke, but those other things can feel really good, and your body really can adjust to respond erotically to different sensations.

If it really is sexy to you to serve your lover, then you're both having sex, and you're both being pleased and relieved and loved. If

The Chronicle Needs he's afraid of hurting you, reassure him that

Volunteer Reporters

Report on the events that interest you! Sports, Health Matters, Music, Community Groups, Drag, etc.

Co Doreen or 216 681-8646

you're on top of that, so to speak, and that you'll let him know when it's a problem, and that you need him. Then tell him to knock it off with the guilt and to go get you an aspirin and a breath mint.

Send your questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box $426, Cleveland 44101; or fax to 216631-1082; or e-mail ChronOhio@aol.com.